Nicole Calasich

nodancing:

I won the dirty haiku competition last night at Tourettes Without Regrets in Oakland. I never win anything except maybe some Stratego games here and there, and the lottery like twice (i’m a trillionaire). My prize was a beautifully crafted golden penis trophy.

The winning haikus:

I’ll fuck your dad hard. 
So hard that he will regret
abandoning you. 

That’s not actual
cottage cheese on my pussy,
but it’s still yummy!

I fucked Obama
today. No wait, that was a 
chair at Ikea.

If pubes get caught in
your teeth, just think of it as
flossing while you eat.

I choked you to death
by sitting on your face but
hey, you died happy. 

Alison Stevenson is hella funny. “No wait, that was a chair at Ikea,” is as gold as that trophy wang.